Husband pressures wife into having baby, flips out when they divorce and she only wants custody every other weekend: 'I've seen how hard single moms have it'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Nov 4, 2024 6:00 PM EST

When you get married to someone or even just get into a serious relationship, there are a select number of topics that you and your partner unquestionably have to be on the same page about. Right at the top of that list is whether you want kids or not. There are few common experiences that will change your life as much as having children, and it is a major responsibility to share if you agree to do it. 

Unfortunately, not every parent sees it that way. This is something that led one divorcing couple into a terrible situation. The husband had persuaded his ambivalent wife to have a baby for him, and the birth led to her having long-term health complications which meant she could not always care for the child. In retaliation, the husband asked to break up, but he wasn't happy when she only agreed to this on the condition that she would not have primary custody. Why do people have kids when they don't want to look after them?

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    Cheezburger Image 10424160256
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AskAubry 0 @ask_aubry Follow The way these types of dudes want kids like a child wants a puppy.
    via ask_aubry
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    AITAH for refusing full custody of my daughter after my husband asked for a divorce? I (31F) have been together with my husband Alex (33M) for 7 years, married for 4 years. Alex was always really excited about the prospect of children from the beginning of our relationship. I was always on the fence. I've seen how hard single moms have it. I promised myself I'd never be in that position. Plus, I work as a software engineer. I love my career and I didn't want to give it up to be a mom. After Alex
    via ask_aubry
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    The pregnancy and first year with the baby was extremely hard on me. I had multiple health problems during and after the pregnancy that were life threatening and altered my body permanently. I was disabled and nearly coed once in the 6 months after I gave birth, and during this time my husband grew distant and became angry frequently when we'd speak. I spent a lot of time in and out of the hospital and was unable to work, so a lot of the baby care went to him during this time. It was all I could
    via ask_aubry
  • 05
    We stayed in a state of limbo like this for a while. I was still in recovery, not back to 100% yet but able to resume a somewhat normal life and we shared more responsibility with Ramona. I tried talking to him many times over the next 6 months, but it was more of the same thing. He wouldn't speak to me, or he'd get angry and every little thing I did, insist I was making things up and blame me for somehow criticizing him. It was a constant deflection from whatever was bothering him. I got anothe
    via ask_aubry
  • 06
    When I got back Sunday evening, he was ped I'd left him alone with our daughter. He's always seemed really put off anytime he had to care for her alone, this time was no exception. I sat him down and very carefully said "I will grant you a no contest divorce but I am not accepting full custody of Ramona." If he was only ped before, he was explosive now, and everything he hated about me finally came out. That I was a horrible mother, that I wasn't strong enough to even be a mother, that I was too
    via ask_aubry
  • 07
    The Road Jess Travelled @JessPected Replying to @ask_aubry Note his first move when tasked with caring for his child was to dump her on his mom. In case anyone is still unclear why single dads do okay. He hoped to lock down mommy mode but unfortunately disabled her in the process & realized he had no intentions of caring for anyone.
    via JessPected
  • 08
    Liz @lizzie_albin • 2d . Replying to @ask_aubry Who else thinks his affair partner/next wife said she's not gonna be a full time step mother?
    via lizzie_albin
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    Nah, I'm not going back... @Sally Maelstrom Replying to @ask_aubry Follow I'm reminded of that guy who pressured his gf not to abort a pregnancy & she agreed on the grounds that he would be the only caretaker. She delivered, left, paid 125% of the required child support....and dad was coming apart about it. He planned a baby trap, and she escaped.
    via SallyMaelstrom
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    . Elise & @elisability • 2d Replying to @ask_aubry He says she's a bad mother and shouldn't have children, but also should have (full?) custody of their daughter? Make it make sense.
    via elisability
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    @SevereSociety @SevereSociety Replying to @ask_aubry Follow That poor kid. She will figure out really soon that no one wants her and it will really f her up.
    via SevereSociety
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    Krystal @Feral Fawcett8.1d @FeralFawcett8 Replying to @ask_aubry Leaving a baby with a man who acts the way he does is not the right move.
    via FeralFawcett8
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    Curry @Owl Curry • 2d Replying to @ask_aubry So... she nearly ded giving birth to a child she didn't really want. She told the dude up front she would NOT be a "single mom" or 'main caretaker', he was fine with it. Now he wants to ditch her and the child and is all suprised-pikachu that she does what she said she would.
    via Owl_Curry
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    Dr. Amber@sciencechick1.2d Replying to @ask_aubry I ended up divorced for similar reasons but luckily before we had kids. HE wanted the kids but made it clear I would be the main caregiver even though I didn't really want to have them. I am glad I didn't give in before we split up
    via sciencechick1
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    @gee_why_oh 2d Replying to @ask_aubry The woman is completely in the right. He's awful. But I feel sorry for the baby, I don't think he should raise her, he's not fit to be a parent
    via gee_why_oh
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    Love @1NL0veW1th U⚫ 2d Replying to @ask_aubry Some men say they want to be husbands and fathers, but don't want the responsibility of actually being husbands and fathers.
    via 1NL0veW1thU
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    Holliday❤ @Hollidaze20.2d Replying to @ask_aubry He thought he was going to go on his merry way after the divorce to do whatever he wanted and be a weekend father. She burst his fantasy bubble with the sharp stick of reality.
    via Hollidaze20
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    LM @larocque_lyne. 2d Replying to @ask_aubry Why is it OK for guys to have a child every second weekend but when a woman makes the very same request it's not all right? He can be the caretaker. She can be the provider. Why not?
    via larocque_lyne
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    Alison Gibson @sportsbabe1125.2d Replying to @ask_aubry He resented she got sick and he actually had to PARENT his daughter! He also resented his wife for having a career she loved. He thought everything would be smooth and he wouldn't have to do sh except say I'm married w/a child. POS
    via sportsbabe1125
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    KAMALA Chris B @chriswb71.2d Replying to @ask_aubry The first few screenshots I thought it was going to say HE wanted full custody because she was too sick. But no he not only thinks she is not capable of being a mother but he wants to dump his daughter with her? How does that even make sense?
    via chriswb71
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    sunnie @vvictoriaclare · 1d • i might get hate for this, but it needs to be said if youre a fence sitter, you dont want kids. bringing a life into this world isn't something you should be convinced to do, it needs to be an enthusiastic yes is this man a pos? yes. but the only one who suffers now is ramona
    via vvictoriaclare
  • 22
    Michelle: Childless cat-... @MsMichelleR Follow A lot of men want the titles without the work that goes into earning the titles. Husband. Provider. Father.
    via MsMichelleR
  • 23
    >x@cepn__ • 2d sho like this is incredibly common and whenever some guy online is hand wringing about the birth rate these kinds of stories are all i can think about. no wonder women don't want to have children anymore.
    via cepn__
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    mariah @SNWCHILD. 2d If you are not 100% on the same page about things like finances and children, DO NOT GET MARRIED (or have children).
    via SNWCHlLD
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    Ms. Ahumuza @PeshAhumuza 1d So if she's the bad mother, why doesn't he take full custody of his child? As a great father, it's your job to protect your child from bad people, no?
    via PeshAhumuza

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aita baby illness relationships parenting dad divorce birth reddit thread Reddit mom
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